Jason "Jay" Bull. His mother Liz blames herself for his murder.

“Jay’s here,” my husband Eddie shouted at the top of his voice, as our youngest son arrived at our bungalow.

Just like his dad Eddie, 54, Jay – which is short for Jason - has always been a larger than life character and he always announced his arrival with a big wolf whistle well before he knocked on the door.

Many times when we were out shopping in town and we would hear that whistle and it would be Jay across the road announcing that he had spotted us.

“What are you up to today?” he bellowed as all six-foot-three of him barrelled in through the door.  “Watching telly as usual?”

It was March 13th, 2006 and it was Jay’s 28th birthday and he was in a good mood.

“Here you go son,” Eddie said thrusting some notes into his hand and slapping him on the back.  Have a drink for your birthday on me son.”

Jay was going out later to celebrate with his new girlfriend Kirsty Scamp and his friends at the Barge pub in Sittingbourne, Kent , and it was good to see him so happy.

He had recently moved into a flat in Sheerness in Kent and Kirsty had moved in with him.

We’ve got four children altogether – Mark, 32, Louisa, 34, Michelle, 18 and of course Jay. And in all we have five grandchildren.

You could say Jay, who earned a living as a landscape gardener, had the gift the gab and there had been a few girlfriends down the years.

Even though he had never married he had two children, his daughter Chloe, 8, by his first love Lynne White and Joshua, 5, by Lucy Austin.

Those relationships were in the past and I know it made Jason unhappy that he hadn’t settled down and that the children lived with their mothers.

You could say Jay had been a bit of a Jack the lad. But he had a heart of gold and on that day on his birthday last year (2006) things seemed to be heading in the right direction again.

Not long before his birthday he had told me all he wanted was to be a family man.

Ever since being a little boy he has been chatty and made friends easily. He used to be called the Milky Bar Kid at school because with his glasses he looked like the little boy in the advert. He used to love that nickname.

So we had hoped Kirsty would be the beginning of a new happy chapter but to be honest Eddie and I knew it had been a bit rocky between them. They had only been together for just over two months and the cracks were starting to appear. We knew there were a lot of rows.

We have always tried to support our kids but we’ve always believed in letting them live their own lives too and only interfered when we really thought it was necessary. So we kept out of it.

Any anyway, Jay was in high spirits as he left the house that day to celebrate his birthday. We didn’t know it would be the last time we would see him.

Eddie, who is also a landscape gardener, said after Jay left that day:  “I don’t think Kirsty will make him happy.

“She is the jealous type and that is no good for my boy.”

Jay had met Kirsty only a few months before – just before Christmas in fact.

I was working as a cleaner at the Berkeley House residential home in Lynsted near Sittingbourne and Kirsty was working there as a support worker.

I got on with her fine and she seemed nice enough.

Then a few days before the Christmas break Jay came to pick me up.

Kirsty obviously noticed him because the next day she said: “Who was that fella the other day who picked you up after work?”

I told her it was Jay, my youngest son and she said: “He is alright isn’t he? He’s a nice looking bloke.”

I asked her if she was eying him up and she cheekily gave me her phone number and asked me to pass it on to Jay.

At the time I thought nothing of it. I suppose we had a bit of a giggle about it and I said I would give Jay the number but couldn’t promise anything. But I must admit I told her he was single.

Jay picked me up again that day and he was quite chuffed when I gave him Kirsty’s number.

“It’s my lucky day he said,” with a cheeky look on his face.

“Will you ring her?” I asked. “She seems like a nice girl.”

“I might ring,” he replied mischievously. “And then again, I might not.”

But of course he did and before we knew it they were seeing each other. In January 2006 she moved into his flat in Sheerness. It was all so fast.

Kirsty Scamp was convicted of murder.

Then Jay announced on Valentine’s Day – February 14th - they were engaged. I was beginning to wonder if she had a hold on my son.

But despite the engagement he seemed more subdued than normal during his regular visits to see me and Eddie and we could tell it was affecting his work. He lost his motivation.

Then he started to tell us about the rows they were having and that he was thinking of ending the relationship. It seemed to us as if it was going to be over before it had begun.

“She doesn’t want me to be with any of my friends,” he told us a couple of times.

“Do you still love me?” he said she used to scream at him.

“She just seems jealous of the fact I make friends easily and she wants me to herself all the time,” he told us.

I did my best to carry on as normal with Kirsty at work because I didn’t want any friction. But Eddie and I both hoped Jay would end it. She wasn’t making him happy.

I was upset because I knew as his mother how keen he was on a fresh start. But it didn’t seem to be happening for him.

We put those thoughts to the back of mind on his birthday though because he was in such a good mood we things had taken a turn for the better.

But later that night we had a phone call from a friend whose flat is not far from Jay’s in

We called the police but they didn’t tell us anything. And Jay’s phone was switched off so we couldn’t talk to him.

We went to bed that night very worried. We didn’t know what to think. Part of me was saying I was worrying unnecessarily and another part of me wanted to do something.

We weren’t getting much sleep when there was a knock at the door at 1.30 am. It was the police.

Eddie knew before I did. Before they even said it, Eddie knew.

“We’re very sorry Mr and Mrs Bull,” the police officer said. “We’re afraid your son has been stabbed and he is dead.”

Eddie collapsed. I couldn’t take it in. I was shaking.

Kirsty had been arrested. She had told police that she had stabbed Jay in self defence after he went for her during a row.

They had gone back to the flat after his birthday celebrations and had another one of their rows. But there was no way I believed it was self defence.

Eddie and I stayed up all night trying to comfort each other.

I kept blaming myself for giving Jay her phone number.

“If I hadn’t handed him her number Jay would still be alive,” I sobbed, to Eddie.

I couldn’t even hug Eddie because I blamed myself.

Kirsty went on trial for murder at

She had flown in a jealous rage that night after hearing Jay talking on the phone to a female friend called Kelly Watts.

Kelly told the court she could hear a female voice in the background demanding to know who Jay was talking to.

Kelly had a boyfriend and she and Jay were just friends, but Kirsty had put two and two together and come up with five.

They had a massive row and she grabbed a knife in the kitchen and stabbed him through the chest. The blade pierced his lung and he bled to death in the stairwell of his flat.

She was convicted of murder by a 10-2 majority after the jury deliberated for almost four days and the judge ruled that she must serve at least 12 years before she is considered for parole.

During the trial I bumped into her in the toilets because her bail conditions allowed her to move freely around the court. She just glared at me and I felt a chill go through my body. I backed off.

I try not to think about her now. I don’t want to say nasty things about her and stir things up.

We’ve erected a tree in Jay’s memory at the Garden of England Crematorium in Bobbing near Sittingbourne and I carry some of his ashes with me all the time in a sachet in my purse so that I am close to him.

We are slowly trying to get our lives together but Eddie and I both know we will never be whole again. And his two children Chloe and Joshua have lost their dad.

Whenever Eddie hears a wolf whistle when we are out in town he spins round expecting to see Jay. It’s instinct, because it always was Jay in the past.

And I keep his green parker coat with a fury hood is hanging in my wardrobe next to my clothes. I’ll always keep it there to remind me of him.

I touch it sometimes and think about him and get tearful.

Everyone tells me I shouldn’t blame myself for handing that phone number over to the woman who killed him.

But I carried him and gave birth to him and should have protected him. That’s how I feel.

The only way I will get over it and stop blaming myself is if someone can bring my son back and I can see him happily married. But that is not going to happen.

The moment I handed that number over I ended Jay’s life and changed our lives forever.

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written by nat, December 24, 2007

hi,just read your story,dont blame yourself, i knew jay and he was a lovely bloke,full of beans all the time,he wouldnt blame you,he will always be with you in spirit.xxx

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written by sharon, July 07, 2007

dont blame your self for giving the phone number if it hadnt been your son it would have been soneone elses, i know that doesnt help you but be strong and dont blame yourself because im sure your son doesnt

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